I turned 28 years old this past week. I still remember being a kid and deciding how my future would look like at this age- to see the way it has turned out is so satisfying and unexpected. It’s hard for me to process emotions while I am going through it- as an introvert I need space and time to reflect. Now that I have both, I can see clearer that i’ve moved through some pretty major life changes these past few months.
Grampa seems to have completely settled in. His moments of anger and confusion have dwindled to an acceptance and playfulness i’ve never seen in him before. He seems completely happy to be surrounded by family now, and we are all grateful for it. He also celebrated his birthday this past week- his 82nd. Noah celebrated his 1st (oh my gosh!). I also saw my mom for the first time in a year…. its been a week filled with lots of things to be grateful for.
Feeling Time Passing
Last year I was pregnant, waiting to see my son for the first time, getting married, and planning into a future filled with what seemed like endless opportunities. This year it felt quite the opposite- like being corralled into unknown territory. It was a shrinking feeling at first, but has somehow shifted into empowerment. I now have clear limitations and foresight into what we are capable of doing as a family and my own limitations as an individual. I feel like my dream of “staying on the path” was an acceptance of these limitations. While I could explore endless opportunities available to me, I need to remember my personal goals and not get distracted with the ability to “do it all”.
It took me a year to resolve closing down the production of our crayons and also to pick a specific major to go back to school. It has always felt “right” moving in this direction, but I was afraid of it at the same time, and tried to put it off with a grand adventure of traveling in a vintage bus. I still think being able to do that would be an amazing opportunity- but now is not the right time for it. Right now, we are finally moving beyond an adjustment period and into the beginnings of our new life together. Sometimes making progress means putting up barriers and saying no. …. And so here I am, going back to school to pursue my secret love affair. I am so excited!
An Open Letter
THANK YOU, for the b*tch slap and getting me back to ME again. I won’t dilly dally again.